EXCERPTS FROM MY DIARY 2
Dear diary,
I'm quite grateful that I didn't turn out with a hunch back. This was not because I was born with it but a self inflicted state which I did unconsciously.
I was quite a shy child. Now no thanks to those changes in my body that made me withdraw even more. If there was a place to hide inside of me, I would have regarded that place the safest for me but I couldn't. This was too real. I was developing breasts, my chest was having protusion on two sides.
Going on errands became a tug of war, everyone would see me. So I decided to wear only the baggy clothes that were free and in them I could hide my 'shame'.
When the growth would not stop, I resorted to use of shawls and scarfs and bent my shoulders so badly that my face was always towards the ground. Mum was happy to see her daughter growing and got me new clothes. The clothes were fitted and would not hide my bulging breasts (I had quite a fast growth while in the later part of primary school ). I couldn't reject the clothes. Besides they were nice. So, all I had to do was use the scarfs.
Later on mum got me what was called top bras. They helped a lot but I lost my ease and some kind of freedom. Those underwear grabbed your chest too firmly, you just would wish for a moment of freedom from them.
I couldn't play ten-ten(a game we played as children,especially the girls). Playing it would mean, letting everyone 'see' me. This deprived me of so much fun. It made me become even more reserved. I played other games that didn't require much body movements.
When the menstrual cramps came that fateful day, I definitely knew nothing about it. I had just finished primary school and was just about entering JSS1, waiting for dad to conclude some arrangements.
The pain I felt that day was nothing close to a joke. I was everywhere, on the floor, the bed, the room, parlor. I almost stabbed myself with a knife close-by. That was an unconscious act. There was no one to help ease the pain. Mum had gone to the market. Dad wasn't home. My Aunt who was home showed no empathy because she thought I just wanted to dodge the many house chores on a Saturday.
After a while, I dragged myself out of the bed to try and wash some clothes. As I washed, bent over, there it happened.
A droplet. Sticky. Red. Out of me.
Confused, I ran into the room, searching my body for a cut or injury whatsoever. I found none. More confusion. I went to have my bath. Luckily, mum came back on time and helped with some clean napkins to pad up.
After which, she gave the explanation:
From today, let no man touch you. If any man touch you, you will become pregnant.
(Right now, I think it sounded like the scripture in Galatians 6:17 that says, from henceforth, let no man touch/trouble me for I bear in my body marks of the Lord Jesus). Lol.
Anyways, this scripture played a major roles in my life as the years unfolded(story for another time)
Oh! How I feared. How was I going to get through this? There was always a lot of people on the streets and men everywhere. I practically tried to avoid any physical contact with men. I didn't even quite understand what being pregnant was but it felt like a plague, a terrible sickness that should be avoided.
So when on my first day at secondary school, I learnt about Puberty, I was relieved to know that I was normal.
This pain was however to be monthly cycle. Dad did not seem to understand why I was always in such a mess every month, sick and unable to eat. He concluded I was always too sick. (I still don't understand, did he not know what menstrual cramps were?)
Dad never liked to see his children go without eating no matter how little food was in the house. So whenever I didn't eat for days because the cramps made me lose appetite, he got angry.
On one occasion, he almost used a belt to beat me just to scare me to eat. Thank God for an aunt who came visiting. She understood and explained to him. I also remember mum telling him to leave me, that I would eat later.
Dear Parents,
Diary of a child
✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽
I'm quite grateful that I didn't turn out with a hunch back. This was not because I was born with it but a self inflicted state which I did unconsciously.
I was quite a shy child. Now no thanks to those changes in my body that made me withdraw even more. If there was a place to hide inside of me, I would have regarded that place the safest for me but I couldn't. This was too real. I was developing breasts, my chest was having protusion on two sides.
Going on errands became a tug of war, everyone would see me. So I decided to wear only the baggy clothes that were free and in them I could hide my 'shame'.
When the growth would not stop, I resorted to use of shawls and scarfs and bent my shoulders so badly that my face was always towards the ground. Mum was happy to see her daughter growing and got me new clothes. The clothes were fitted and would not hide my bulging breasts (I had quite a fast growth while in the later part of primary school ). I couldn't reject the clothes. Besides they were nice. So, all I had to do was use the scarfs.
Later on mum got me what was called top bras. They helped a lot but I lost my ease and some kind of freedom. Those underwear grabbed your chest too firmly, you just would wish for a moment of freedom from them.
I couldn't play ten-ten(a game we played as children,especially the girls). Playing it would mean, letting everyone 'see' me. This deprived me of so much fun. It made me become even more reserved. I played other games that didn't require much body movements.
When the menstrual cramps came that fateful day, I definitely knew nothing about it. I had just finished primary school and was just about entering JSS1, waiting for dad to conclude some arrangements.
The pain I felt that day was nothing close to a joke. I was everywhere, on the floor, the bed, the room, parlor. I almost stabbed myself with a knife close-by. That was an unconscious act. There was no one to help ease the pain. Mum had gone to the market. Dad wasn't home. My Aunt who was home showed no empathy because she thought I just wanted to dodge the many house chores on a Saturday.
After a while, I dragged myself out of the bed to try and wash some clothes. As I washed, bent over, there it happened.
A droplet. Sticky. Red. Out of me.
Confused, I ran into the room, searching my body for a cut or injury whatsoever. I found none. More confusion. I went to have my bath. Luckily, mum came back on time and helped with some clean napkins to pad up.
After which, she gave the explanation:
From today, let no man touch you. If any man touch you, you will become pregnant.
(Right now, I think it sounded like the scripture in Galatians 6:17 that says, from henceforth, let no man touch/trouble me for I bear in my body marks of the Lord Jesus). Lol.
Anyways, this scripture played a major roles in my life as the years unfolded(story for another time)
Oh! How I feared. How was I going to get through this? There was always a lot of people on the streets and men everywhere. I practically tried to avoid any physical contact with men. I didn't even quite understand what being pregnant was but it felt like a plague, a terrible sickness that should be avoided.
So when on my first day at secondary school, I learnt about Puberty, I was relieved to know that I was normal.
This pain was however to be monthly cycle. Dad did not seem to understand why I was always in such a mess every month, sick and unable to eat. He concluded I was always too sick. (I still don't understand, did he not know what menstrual cramps were?)
Dad never liked to see his children go without eating no matter how little food was in the house. So whenever I didn't eat for days because the cramps made me lose appetite, he got angry.
On one occasion, he almost used a belt to beat me just to scare me to eat. Thank God for an aunt who came visiting. She understood and explained to him. I also remember mum telling him to leave me, that I would eat later.
Dear Parents,
Diary of a child
✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽
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