EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL

Afam and Ada have been in a relationship for a while now. Afam thinks that Ada does not love him enough to at least come over to his house and cook him dishes.
'How can you claim that you love me and can't do a simple favour as cooking for me'

Ada on the other hand does not understand why Afam would not get her the dress she has been asking for.
"And you say you love me but you don't even want me to look good for you. I'm getting tired of this relationship o. I'm going to opt out oo"

This scenario happens in our everyday living. It may not be the case of a romantic relationship.  it could be the case of colleagues at work, siblings, parent-children, employer-employee, superior-subordinate relationships. The end game is to manipulate the other party into doing things for one's selfish reasons. Reasons could range from small to large. However small, it is cheating and defrauding. It may however be intentional or unintentional.

Emotional Blackmail is a way of manipulating people,especially those who are closest to us into doing what we would rather have them do.

 It is the use of fear, a person's weaknesses, past, secret, or even an obligation to control people. It is done as a deliberate or unintentional attempt is defraud or to receive some form of attention.

 This tactic is used in our day to day relationships. It can come from our partners,parents,children, siblings, friends, colleagues or just anyone close without them even realizing what they are doing.

This act is usually done as a ploy to make others feel guilty for the offense one caused in the first place. It is acting on the ignorance on weakness and vulnerability of the other party to make them bear the consequences of one's deeds or even one's mistakes.

It is also excusing one's mistakes by making another feel he/she was the cause of the mistake. This happens virtually all the time,  even as Christians.  Some people will want to know your secret or past life just because they have an ulterior motive, one they intend to use against you in the nearest future.

This tactic seems to yield its desired objectives most times but it only tends to hurt, backstabbing, distrust, discord, hatred. It's the reason for many suicide cases.

Lecturers use it as a ploy to get student to buy their unnecessary books/handout. Some preachers use it in the guise of evangelizing to people so as to buy them over to their churches or get money from them.
Business men apply this tactic to gain investors.

Relationships fail because partners do this a lot.
Siblings, parents are in discord because this comes to play all the time.

The cause is selfishness, greed, covetousness, lack of love.

Emotional blackmail dates back to the beginning of man's creation.  It was the devil's tactic on the woman to deceive her into taking the fruit. Adam used it,  Eve did same.  Shifting blames to make the other party seem more guilty.

Despite all, It is important to note that there are certain demands in all the above stated kinds of relationships. Disagreements may arise in the demands of relationships. It is therefore important to differentiate emotional blackmail from normal demands expected in a relationship, either a work relationship, romantic or parent/siblings relationship.

 A compromise has to be reached which may mean denying yourself something for the good of the relationship. This isn't blackmail.

 However, Emotional blackmail comes into play when you consistently ignore the other person's wants/needs just because of your selfish interest. It plays out when you are constantly putting yourself first before the other person, without considering his right or feelings.

You want to know when you do this blackmail?

*When you would rather not take advice

*When you intentionally get at the emotions of the other person (you Know it deep down)

*When you boast and brag about almost every of your achievements in order to make the other person feel less or left out


(Comment on other ways you know)

Now that you know or have been reminded, pay more attention to those you love or have a relationship with and avoid these acts.

1st Thessalonians 4:6, Acts 20:30

#Joy@Pentolife